With Love on Mother's Day

"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory."

Isaiah 61:3

Food, Faith & (in)Fertility....and Friday

TGIF! I am back to working full-time again after being part-time with some full-time weeks mixed in over the past few years. I am working for a "temp" agency or "employment" agency, and still under contract at the same place I've been for almost a year! I guess they keep people for years under contract before hiring them permanently. But I feel like I've started a new job because I am learning a ton more stuff, getting a little overwhelmed, and definitely tired out. So, definitely thankful for the weekend!

As for this weeks installment of my new Friday series:

{food}

I made this for a church potluck on Sunday and really liked it. Also super easy:
Beef and Black Bean Taco Bake (I used 8-Whole Wheat Tortillas, 16 oz. jar of reg. Medium Salsa, & added approx. 3/4 c. of reduced fat Sour Cream because it needed more "liquid"). Super yummy and easy!

Made for Girl's Nite:
Homemade Guacamole
(no link since it was a recipe I got a looong time ago from someone)

3-4 ripe avocados chopped (ripe avocados give a little when you press against them).
2-3 small diced fresh tomatoes
3 cloves minced garlic
1 small diced red onion
1 handful of freshly chopped cilantro
2-3 diced jalapenos (depending on how spicy you like it)
2 T Sour cream (optional, it makes it more creamy)...I just did this for the 1st time and loved it.1 lime (squeezed for juice)...I used lime juice in a bottle and just add and taste until it's good :)1 T Salt...I don't add this much.
Mix together (you can "smash" it or just gently mix- whatever your preference). Refrigerate. If making ahead, put plastic wrap over the guacamole (press it down until it touches the guac.), if not it will turn brown.

{faith}

I have had this desktop wallpaper on my computer at work this week. It is one of my favorite verses and very fitting for Mother's Day weekend:

You can click on the picture to go to the source and choose what size fits your screen.

{(in)Fertility}

I read this post this week, and wow. I have been following this blog for some time, and really enjoy reading her posts and her perspective (as a fellow IF'er) on a variety of topics. This post is another one for both the Infertile and those who love us. I don't know if I have ever heard the feeling of what it's like to have an empty womb, and empty arms, put so perfectly.

The Parable of the Silver Locket {A Mother's Day Post}


Happy Friday :)

Myth Busting Monday

Well we survived MD! I think next year dh and I will plan to go to a Bed and Breakfast or some little getaway though, to escape from the world and try and better relax. We thought since we had a lot going on and were seeing both our moms at separate events this weekend, we would plan to do nothing much at all, but we couldn't even go get an ice cream without seeing a sign "Free Ice cream Sundae for all Mom's" (in the words of dh...well I won't repeat it, but it was pretty funny!), and we couldn't even go 200 feet without seeing a "Happy Mother's Day" wish on all the electronic signs businesses have out by the road.

But anyways, moving on, today is a new day! And it's Myth Busting Monday. I apologize in advance if this comes across as harsh. This blog as stated before is a place to help others who are not aware of how seemingly innocent comments are interpreted by an infertile, which leads me to this week's "myth". It is another response to the dreaded "Do you have kids?" question. It is, "Enjoy your time together just the 2 of you, before you have them because things will change". I realize that is more of a statement so the myth is that our time is "enjoyable" while longing for children and grieving the loss of having biological children and all that that entails.

For us we found out rather quickly once we started investigating, that we would not be able to conceive, and that we only had one treatment option we could attempt to attempt. But for many fellow infertiles this "enjoyable" time without children constitutes of testing and testing and more testing. And attempts at multiple procedures. And the waiting. And the cycle of grief that repeats every month. Nothing about that is enjoyable, so such a follow-up comment is better left unsaid, especially if the couple is not newlywed. As in they have told you they have been married for almost 8 years. At that point it might just be safer to assume they are infertile to be on the safe side...And the "things are going to change" part of it...Really?? I think as an infertile you have likely spent more time than anyone thinking of all the changes...

In conclusion, there are many wonderful things about being a family of two. But when you want children and can't have them you would gladly give these things up, or in a heartbeat learn how to adapt to the changes that a child would bring into your life. And again, I think people just don't know how to respond if someone says no, and quickly try to think of something to say to make conversation. I get that. I realize that if someone hasn't walked this road, why would such a seemingly innocent statement be given a second thought? And it's for these reasons that my grace-giving muscle will continue to be exercised and challenged on this journey.

MD

photo courtesy of Flickr

MD, short for Mother's Day. The upcoming holiday that no infertile woman (or man) can escape. Several weeks of advertisements on the television, radio, grocery store, you name it, everything centers around this holiday in the days leading up to it. I honestly don't think I've been to church on MD for quite a few years now due to the recognition and praise of an identity I have been denied and the discomfort that it brings. I have many mixed emotions about this day. On one hand I don't want to dishonor my own mother (or MIL and other relatives who are moms) who deserves much praise and honor for the woman she is, and job she has done in being such a great mom, but this day can be such a painful reminder of what I am not. I honestly don't know when I will ever be able to attend church on that day. Even if I become a mom one day, I feel like IF has tainted my view of it. I wish the church (and the rest of the world) would honor women as a whole if they must honor someone on that Sunday in May, as MD can be painful to many different women, not just the infertile. The single woman; the woman who has dealt with the loss of a child either through death or distance (that can be either relationally or due to the miles that separate them); or even the woman who never had a good relationship with her mother or whose mother has passed away.

I do not wish to take away someone else's joy, and I certainly don't want to try and draw attention away from such a recognition when I am in the minority. It is just one of those things that through infertile lenses, you have a different perspective on and it is easy to feel forgotten and insignificant in the midst of such a celebration.

If you are wondering then what you should do this weekend for a woman who is infertile here are a couple ideas that come to mind. Send her a card or email and let her know you are thinking about her; try to be understanding when she tells you she won't be in church due to the fact that it is MD; if she is in church, give her a hug and understand that any tears that fall are a result of a broken heart in the midst of so many "in your face" reminders (and please don't give her any "helpful advice", a hug will go a long ways).